Since I found out little Liam was on his way, I have been going back and forth over the stay at home issue.
In some ways, I am lucky to be trained as a teacher (I smile at trained, because I have always been the annoying aunt/friend who gives books as birthday gifts. I just love education), because it is an easier field to jump back into after several years out. Yes, the lingo and "big ideas" change, but children are still children, information is still information. And I am in special ed, which many people don't want to do. This makes the job market easier.
This past year, Karl and I have tag-teamed raising Liam, with backup from my mom and my oldest child, Tierney, who is 16. And amazingly, I love and feel as connected to Liam as my other children. I don't KNOW him quite as well, but the feelings are the same. And that makes sense. When I was a nanny, I did not LOVE the children like my own, and they were still VERY happy to see their parents, even though we had a lot of fun together. Family bonds are strong. As far as Liam is concerned, things are fine.
But I want to be home. I want to stay in my pjs until 10. I want to play on my computer while Liam plays on the floor. I want to bake brownies at one in the afternoon. I want to avoid going outside when it is below freezing, except to play in the snow with Liam.
I am not lazy. But I do crave a life with less stress. And staying home is less stressful. It can be boring, but my job now can be very boring, especially when the students are behaving and learning, and everything fall into place. Snoozefest.
Karl, pending background check and employment history checks, just got a job making about 65% more than he is now (Thanks, Selissa!). Of course, he will lose social security (even though he works 30 a week now, at minimum wage he still qualifies), and have to purchase insurance. This is scary for him because he is 100% dependent on his medication, but at the same time, he wants to be someone Liam can be proud of (I think he already is, though). So, overall, he will bring in about the same amount. We couldn't make it on that.
If I stayed home, I would have to either supplement with a parttime job, or use the money I have paid into retirement (in, Missouri, they take 14% of teacher pay for retirement, whether you want it or not. It's probably a good thing, though). It takes 5 years to get vested in the retirement system. I have just finished three. Of course, at my rate of pay, and with five years in, I would only receive about 300 a month. Not really enough to count on in the future.
And I can't help but think about the future. It will come.
So we talk about waiting. I want to homeschool Liam. I could put more in retirement over the next four years, and then we can take it out for a house, or we could leave it in to get a slightly bigger check back in retirement. I can also go back to work when Liam is older (will anyone hire a 50 year old?).
But then I wonder...Karl and I are not social butterflies. I don't think school provides the optimal social environment (kids get crueler each year-what is wrong with parents? TV? Society? By the way, Christian kids can be just as mean), but neither does staying home with two middle aged parents. How dull for a child. So do we have another baby? Is that really what we want. Oh, of course I want a little girl. But it could be a boy. A house with two small boys? Yuck.
But to keep working and saving is so...normal, so conformist. I need to find an alternative. Maybe freelance writing, but I can't really depend on that until I actually DO it.
What's wrong with me? I have to DO something.
I know what the mature, normal option is. Work and save. Use the cheap public schools. Liam will sink or swim. Be a grownup and get over my own desires.
But I want the alternative option. The one where everyone wins. Liam receives a "freer" upbringing, I have less stress, and we still are able to retire.
I also need a guaranty that Karl never falls for another woman and leaves me holding the bills. Where do I get that? :O).
