Update

I have been too busy to post. I still am, actually. I have to leave for work in 15 minutes.
Liam is almost 8 months now. Hard to believe. He is chubby and sweet. The past few days, he has been sick with a bad cold. He is still breastfeeding. He takes about two bottles during the day, and I nurse him during the afternoon, evening, and overnight. I have grown used to working. I guess you  have to to survive. I still don't think it's okay, even though he is with his dad. Babies belong with their moms. But...unless the rest of the family is on board, I just don't know how to make it work.

Seriously Amazon Associates, George Bush? Can you not see that I would vote Democrat? Eh well. In 100 years, we'll be up in heaven shaking our heads over the venom spewed in the name of politics.

Liam's seven months

I can't believe little Liam is now 7 months! And I still haven't had to suffer from PMS...life is good.sssssss

Saturday Morn

Every Child has Their Thing

Cute Little Booties

I found these:

On this site:

http://www.treehugger.com/fashion_beauty/?campaign=th_nav_fashion

Now, since I am trying to cut back on spending, don't know if they work for me, b ut they are really darling, aren't they?

They are available for Orland Boto and Shoe Company, and they have several types:

http://www.orlandbootandshoe.bigcartel.com/

For my frugal (trying to be) self, I might find a pattern to knit up. I say might because I seem to spend more time looking up ideas on the web, than actually creating them. By the way, did you know if you say "net" or "internet" you risk being ridiculed by your offspring. Just thought I would share!

Friday again

Are there words that can even come close to expressing that Friday feeling? I am home for the weekend, listening to the sounds Liam makes as he wiggles on the floor, knowing the whole weekend is waiting for us. Is this what Heaven feels like?

Half a trip around the sun

Little Liam in six months old as of yesterday. Of course, he isn't really little. Weighing in at 20 pounds 14(I think) ounces, Little Liam is a chunk. As I consider the past six months, I will remember a few things. You are a boy. I ordered a girl, but I guess there a was a mixup. Labor was horrific. The first ten days were marred by a constant extreme headache, the next two weeks by a dizzying double vision. You wouldn't nap, and cried when we put you down. Finally, after a diagnosis of acid reflux, you started taking medicine and calming down. By four months, you were off the medicine and starting to laugh.
Liam, you are different than your brother and sisters. You do things at a slower pace. You smile (almost) as much as your sisters. Caleb was always serious. You cry rarely, except now that you are teething. I suppose this is a love note of sorts, because I didn't think I would get to have you. I thought those days were over.
I wish I could stay with you all day. I believe in the power of attachment, but I also believe in a roof over our heads. In a way, you are such a lucky kid. Your siblings are much older, and able to properly appreciate watching the new life of a baby unfold. I also sigh to think of you alone with your dad and me, as the other kids move to their own places.
Maybe I will find a way to be the mom at home I want to be, maybe I won't. I can only look forward with hope to what is to come. I worry a bit, because the world can be harsh, I don't tend to feel close to boys. But things can be overcome, and you remind me so much of your father, the gentle man I love.

My hope for you is that you will grow wise and strong. I hope you are caring and can see beyond the material trappings of life and see what matters. I hope you live with passion, tempered by good humor and intelligence.

And I hope you always remember to come home and visit your mom, because the surprise of your spirit lifts my heart and reminds me of secrets still untold.

Want to raise the hits on your page?

Apparently writing about the Nestle Boycott will do it. Geez. Anyway, I am tired today. Oh and sleepy.
Liam woke up at least every hour. This led to interesting, fragmented dreams. In one, poor Liam was crying and crying, and when I went to him, he had a big comforter over his face (in the dream). But in life, he just nursed and went back to sleep. His nose is stuffy and I think that is making it hard for him to sleep. He has his six-month check up today, anyway. Hard to believe he is six months already. I wish I could go to his checkup. Maybe I can leave during my last hour prep. I will check. Nothing to say. All energy is directed elsewhere. Creativity is being used in other arenas of my life.

Do Your Choices Matter

If you are a parent, you should have heard of the Nestle food boycott. This has been going on for at least a decade, since I remember it from when Tierney was a baby. Why a Nestle food boycott?

Baby Milk Marketing "breaks rules"

Hawking Disaster in the Third World

The Nestle Boycott

Boycott Nestlehttp://boycottnestle.blogspot.com/2007/10/nestle-burma.html

There is a lot more information out there.
In the past, Nestle has been charged with giving out formula, and touting it as the healthier choice, to poor families in Africa. Just enough formula for mothers to lose their milk. After that, the families were forced to spend a large percentage of their income on formula, hurting the whole family economically.

Companies Nestle has an interest in:



From:
http://www.pledgebank.com/boycottnestle




"Nescafe: alta rica, black gold, blend 37, Cap Columbie, Caro, Coffee Mate, Expresso, Gold Blend, Kenjara, Nescafe Organic, Partner's Blend.

Confectionery: Aero, After Eight, Animal Bar, Baci Chocolate, Black Magic, Dairy Box, Dairy Crunch, Drifer, Fab, Fruit Pastels, Heaven, Jelly Tots, Kit Kat, Kit Kat Crunchy, Lion Bar, Matchmakers, Milky Bar, Munchies, Polo, Quality Street, Rolo, Smarties, Toffee Crisp, Tooty Fruities, Walnut Whip & Yorkie.

Mineral Water: Aqua Panna, Aquarel, Buxton, Perrier, Pow-Wow, San Pellegrino & Vittell.

Cereals: Cheerios, Golden Grahams, Clusters, Sheddies, Fibre1, Fitnesse, Golden Nuggets, Nesquick Cereal & Shredded Wheat.

Pet Foods: Arthur's, Bakers, BETA, Bonio, Felix, Friskies, Go-C
at, Go-Dog, One, Purina, Spillers & Winalot.

Other companies: Bio Therm, The Body Shop, Garnier, Helena Rubenstien, La Roche-Possay, Lancome, L'Oreal, Maybelline, Plénitude & Redken."


Most disturbingly, or inconvenient for parents, Nestle now owns GERBER.


Check out this blog

That said, what can your baby eat in a socially concious manner?
Obviously the easiest answer is make you own (just cook and puree with some water in the blender, super easy.

There are alternative brands, but my baby is fussing, so I will leave that research to you.

Hey! I know what's happening here!

That was the look on Liam's face when I dropped him off at my mom's this morning. Typically, he is all grins when I take him, but this morning, when I set him in my mom's arms, there was a shift-a remembering, and it was evident for the first time, he knew he was being left.
I thought about it as I drove to work. I didn't like it.

A New Project

One thing I would like to try is using recycled wool sweaters to make diaper covers and pants for Liam. I have found a few sites with info on how to do this:


Make Baby Stuff.com

And

How to Make Wool Diaper Covers

It doesn't look too difficult, except I don't have a sewing machine and would need to hand sew the seams. Still, it might be a fun project, and it would be a lot cheaper than buying them on eBay.
The real question is WHEN am I to do this?
So here is the plan:

This week, I will purchase one or two used wool sweaters to start. I will purchase thread and needles and possibly some yarn if I decide to go the drawstring waist route.
Then I will begin making the first next week. Obviously, I have to do my college coursework at some point, so I will have to pace myself. My goal is to have two completed covers (I am leaning towards the long pants, since winter is coming) within one month. Pictures to follow.


I am getting excited.

"Away We Go" and breastfeeding

Last week, Karl and I watched the movie Away We Go in which a couple learn they are having a baby. The start a trek around the country (and Canada) in search of the right place to live and raise their family. At one point, they to, I believe, Madison (Wisconsin, presumably), to meet an old friend of the father. Maggie Gyllenhaal plays the extreme attachment parenting mother. Although her character was comical (her seemingly literal fear of strollers), I felt her character was more a caricature than a real attachment parenter. Sure she breastfed, and wore her baby in a sling, and used a family bed, she went overboard. For example, she didn't want to use a stroller because she would be "pushing her child" away from her. That's not it people. It's about doing what comes naturally and keeping baby close in a sling, like the natural world does. Furthermore, although I have my babies sleep with me, I protect them from adult activities I just thought it was a little overboard.

Upon further thought, I am not a good attachment parenter. I use slings for convenience, and I use strollers for convenience. I breastfeed because it's not only healthier but a heck of a lot easier than messing with bottles. And it's free.

I find myself frustrated because I am so...contrary. When someone says they can't breastfeed (especially when they say they can't make enough milk) it irritates me. Noone has enough milk the first week. If you go back to work, of course your milk supply drops if you aren't pumping. You will still have milk as long as you nurse on a fairly regular schedule (unless you get pregnant-mine dried out when I was pregnant with Taryn, but Caleb still nursed anyway). If you run low or the baby hits a growth spurt, it will nurse more often and in 3 or 4 days, you will have more milk. Simple. If we lost our milk so easily, humanity wouldn't have made it this far.
At the same time, it irritates me to no end, when people put people who don't breastfeed down. Yes. I admit, I don't get it. I could say a whole lot on this. But in the end, it isn't up to me what someone else feeds their child. And you know what? Chances are their baby will be just fine.
As breastfeeders, we know we tend to be better educated. We know breastfed babies tend to have higher IQ's. We know how nice it is to snuggle our babies, and know they are alive because of us. But you know what? I will wager a bet that those non-breastfeeders love their babies just as much. Imagine that.

Important Considerations

Children have two parents. When the parents decide they don't get along, the other parent (hopefully) doesn't disappear. He or she continues to influence the children for better or worse. I don't believe in using the internet to air griefs. I think the internet is a tool to share experiences and give and receive information for decision making.


Choose your partner carefully. I was lucky in that my exhusband supported my parenting. He supported breastfeeding, cloth diaper, my staying home. This support was paramount to the success of my children's early years. Unfortunately, we differ in values. Last night, after my daughter made a filthy comment on facebook , that her father had told her, regarding someone she was angry with, I was rudely reminded of this. I can't give her a new parent. She loves her father and he loves her. I can't force him to use positive words. I can't force my worldview on him or her. I can only choose to influence with my methods.

Choose your partner carefully. My current partner uses positive words. He believes in innocence and preserving innocence in childhood. On the other hand, he thinks breastfeeding past a year is weird and cloth diapers are gross. He would like me to stay home (at least in words), but I make more money. I prefer this case. If I buy and wash the cloth diapers, he will use them. If he really wants paper (and I do understand the attraction; they don't leak, they are easy and trim), he can buy it. I will breastfeed past a year. I am the mom, I have the breasts. But I know he won't say crude, shocking comments to my children which ultimately undermine the sexual roles that women play, and make them seem degrading.

Think. Words have immense power over the world. Use them carefully. And again, choose the parent of your children carefully.

Sweetness

There is nothing so sweet as an early morning nursing session and cuddle. I got those cold hands warmed up, and wrapped him snug in a blanket, and I feel ready to face the day. I love having a baby!

Baby Feats

Liam is now at the uncomfortable stage where he flips onto his belly a few seconds after being placed on the floor. Unfortunately, he cannot get back over or go anywhere, and he gets rather fussy. I know I should enjoy this short-lived fussy stage, because next he will be off, and everything will be fair game for his mouth. Meaning we will be sweeping constantly.

As I watch him now, content and hypnotized with a thumb in his mouth and a cozy blanket clenched in his other fat fist, I feel a bit of guilt, that I have succombed to letting him stare at the TV. But I needed a quick break, to write this, and he does love the Teletubbies. A book I read recently, "Einstein Didn't (or never?) Use Flashcards" suggested that shows like Teletubbies and Barney are better for a young person's development than Sesame Street. Thank goodness, because Sesame Street always seemed like it was trying a little too hard to me. Why on earth does a one or two or even three year old need to know letters and numbers?

I know, I know, it's a global economy and a rat race out there, but I am going to raise Liam on the belief that childhood is a precious, short, and special time. If he doesn't learn his letters until four, I am betting his life will still be good. I think when we start pushing our kids we need to stop and think about what we are really pushing for. I am thinking now of my daughter, Taryn. She has recently entered middle school and is struggling a bit more than in elementary. We told of this. I warned her of my own experiences. Elementary is easy if you have a decent amount of natural academic intelligence. Middle school is different. Middle school requires organizational skills and a fair bit of drive and ambition to excel. But when I think of why it worries me so much, it is because, she is my pride. She was the one child I thought would redeem my single mom's aren't a good environment status (not that the others couldn't, they just don't seem interested). But when it comes to her, she wants to be a hairdresser. Taryn has always been interested in the aesthetic, and caretaking. Who am I to push my pride onto her? I don't know.

Today, I sat Liam on the floor before, propped between my legs, and demonstrated how to make sounds on his little wooden xylophone. He reached for the small wooden mallet (?) and immediately smacked himself on the head and then foot. After that, though, he started hitting the instrument with about 60% accuracy (sorry, education is all about data now). As I praised his efforts, I started looking forward with wry amusement. Sometime, in the not so distant future, he will be banging something with pride, and I will wonder-why won't he just be quiet?

Bottles: so much to choose from

Since I am gone for nine hours a day, there has to be an alternative route for getting nourishment into my baby besides the breast.
I have tried a few different bottles and wanted to share my thoughts.

First, there is the plain old bottle. Boring. We have all seen this one.



Then we have the plaxtex "disposable" type. I used this kind on the rare occasions I gave my older kids a bottle. I like how you can squeeze the excess air out, and possibly cut down on indigestion and gas for the baby.



However, now I can only find the preshaped drop-ins and I just don't like them for some reason. I guess because for a pump and store mom, they just look less convenient.

I have also bought the liners from Lasinoh, which are nice if you do pump, but rather pricey, I think.

Now my current favorite is AVENT. I love the way the bottle feels in my hand, and the nipple gets the baby's mouth open wide, which is better when switching back and forth between bottle and breast.



However, I tend to use glass evenflo bottles, with a silicone nipple, because I have an abhorrence of plastic. I hate the skinny nipples though, and the long, narrow shape of the bottle is awkward to hold.

Also available are the VentAir bottles, which I suppose let the baby get every last drop out of the bottle, without getting a lot of air, but the shape is just weird to me.


What I really desire though are glass bottles with the shape of the AVENT. Bornfree sells some that look quite nice.


Granted, if you follow my links, I only linked to Amazon. I am not affilitated with Amazon, but they are the easiest for showing a variety of items in one place. I usually look up products on Amazon, and then go back and search the web for the cheapest price.


In the end, the bottle you choose should be one you and baby like to use. It needs to feel right in your hand (because you will never ever prop it, right?) and it needs to encourage a healthy form of sucking. If you plan to breastfeed, try to find a shape where the nipple opens the baby's mouth nice and wide, otherwise your baby might want to nibble and suck at your nipple, which is uncomfortable.

It's Amusing

That on a blog that says its "AP" sort of, the ads are for huggies and formula. Really? Can we step outside the status quo and see that maybe Baby and paper diapers and formula are not synonymous?

Okay, okay, my baby uses paper diapers at Grandma's and sometimes to sleep. And my baby uses formula during the day while I am #$%%^ at work. But not by choice. Can you imagine trying to pump with 13 and 14 year olds interrupting constantly? Not ideal.

But still I prefer cloth and breastfeeding.

I bought a variety of cloth diapers off ebay, since they are mucho money brand new. My favorites are Kushies and bumkins all in ones. Kushies are probably China-made, which may be why they are so affordable and Walmart.com sells them. But I still prefer them.

Sch-lings

There are some stores I go to where a sling for the baby is just a necessity. Mama Jeans health food store is one of them. The carts there are just too small to put the baby's carseat/carrier in, and they don't have any alternative place to put the baby. So I bought a sling from Little Rubies store
on Ebay. Mine is white cotton with black polka dots (I love the dots) and I have to say, I love it. I think I would prefer one with an adjustable ring, but this works nicely now that Liam can hold his head steady and sit up, facing me in it.

Update PIMP

Liam is 4.5 months, and I still haven't had the opportunity to try out the party in my pants pads yet. I promise to as soon as they are needed.

Home daycare?

Okay, so I was a little grumpy in the last post. Right now I am considering whether I would prefer to have a home daycare next year. There would be less spending money, but I would be HOME, and I love little ones. I am looking into it. In Missouri, if you watch 4 or less kids (who aren't your own) you don't have to jump through the licensing hassle. It sounds nice to me!

Working

I discovered that working with a baby, sucks. Period. I do it. I have to do it. But nothing can compare with lots of time at home with my baby, working out routines, and living life the slow, relaxed way.
My dream would be to stay home with the children and homeschool them (though I doubt the girls would go for it-they are so social). I know Caleb would rather be home. I wish I could find a way. The way would mean poverty and food stamps, and that isn't what I spent beaucoup amounts of college loan money on. But I don't know. Sometimes I think it would be worth it.
I always think, no, I like this middle class life better. I have some spending money, I am proud. But truthfully, Karl and I don't have friends anyway. It isn't like we would be losing friends to go drop down a level. The guys at his job are mostly young potsmokers, and I haven't met anyone well enough for them to drop by or anything. So...what would it matter if we were poor?

Ouch!

I read that it won't hurt to nurse the baby during the day on Saturday and Sunday, because that is too short a time to up my milk supply. What they didn't warn me about was the sore nipples I would get from an enthusiastic nurser, when the milk supply isn't gushing.
I don't have pain when I only nurse after work and overnight. But trying to nurse on the weekends, too. Ouch.
Eh well, he's worth it, AND it burns calories. Gotta look at the bright side (and overlook that he is drinking 18 to 24 ounces of formula when I am gone-thats 300 or 400 calories-no wonder I am not losing weight. I ought to use the pump more. Force it or something. It is just...so....tedious....

Liam, by the way, weighed 18'10" at his four month check-up. Fat baby:o).

Party in my Pants

I have seen ads for cloth menstrual pads for years now, but none really caught my eye until I saw the Party in My Pants pads. I have always used tampons, supplemented with the occasional use of a rubber "keeper". I have found the keeper leaks, however, and so I continued to use tampons (and pads when I have a cold, for stress incontinence (coughing)).
But I have always wanted to use something that wasn't disposable, because that is the kind of woman I am. If there is an added step that I can feel holier than thou about, then by golly, I want it!
Anyway, I finally broke down and ordered three flannel super sized PIMP pads. I also ordered three pair of nursing pads. I have been using disposable nursing pads at work, but these look so much cozier than the plastic and paper ones.
I can't wait.

I haven't actually had my period since the baby was born (he's almost four months). With my others, I didn't get it until around 9 months, but since he is bottlefed during the day, I expect to get it sooner.
I guess I am happier to have an option, and a website, that celebrates being female. Why is menstrual blood so gross? It's just blood that travels through the vagina. Men spend enormous amounts of energy trying to get into our vaginas. Why are we so ashamed? I say celebrate being a woman, celebrate the cycles. We are women. Roar. :o)

One week later

I have been working for one week now. Before I came back to work, the whole idea of working was scary and almost unreal. Now, I feel...well, it's hard to explain. Okay, I guess. And that is where the guilt comes in.
If I could maintain a decent lifestyle and be home, I would. No questions. But, since I AM the breadwinner in the family, that isn't happening (come on Powerball!). When I go to work, I don't think much about the baby. Why not? Because I am getting paid to do a job, and it's a hard, time-consuming job.
I worry that baby misses me. I worry that Karl can't give baby enough attention. But, not until I am in the car driving home. And then I walk in the door, grab my baby, head for bed and nurse him. As I pull the comforter around us, we are cocooned in our own private world, Liam and I, and things are right again. Friday night was the most wonderful feeling in the world, because I knew the weekend stretched before us. I woke up leisurely Saturday morning, nursed Liam, and we started playing our little games, and singing our little songs (okay, I did. He smiled).
I now understand the idea of quality time. I just wish to GOSH! that I didn't have to go to college this semester. We are counting on a little student loan money, but I wonder if we could make it without it? Because I don't want to put those hours in-not just yet.
Maybe I will just force myself to work an hour a night, after Liam falls asleep. I want to get through this degree and be done.

In three weeks

In just a little over three weeks, I will return to teaching. This in itself isn't unusual, but this time, I will be leaving someone behind. Liam will only be three months old when I go back to work. As someone who was home with her first three babies, practiced extended nursing, co-sleeping, and just being there-I am a little worried.

This isn't a lifestyle choice. I am not working to make a second car payment (both our cars are paid off). I am not working for a fancy house (three bedroom rental). I am not working for vacations or fancy clothes. I am working because I am the primary breadwinner in our family, and no matter how we crunched the numbers, even our best case scenario fell several hundred dollars short.

So. I guess I need a place to talk about it. A place to vent my anger that Liam has to drink formula all day, because as a teacher, pumping time would be limited to my conference hour, and if I don't work then, I will have to stay later after school. Seeing Liam is preferable to gathering a few ounces of milk.

I can't believe I will kiss that chubby face goodbye and not see him again for NINE hours. It hurts. It makes me sick. It breaks my heart. But...what can I do?

I can make the best of it. I can breastfeed when I am home. Snuggle him as much as I can. Love him and hold him when I get home. I can try and plan for a future when I am home, but to wonder-after I get used to working, will he be a nuisance to me? Will that eye-gazing bond break, and leave me frustrated and feeling like he is just one more thing on my plate? I hope not.