Ouch!

I read that it won't hurt to nurse the baby during the day on Saturday and Sunday, because that is too short a time to up my milk supply. What they didn't warn me about was the sore nipples I would get from an enthusiastic nurser, when the milk supply isn't gushing.
I don't have pain when I only nurse after work and overnight. But trying to nurse on the weekends, too. Ouch.
Eh well, he's worth it, AND it burns calories. Gotta look at the bright side (and overlook that he is drinking 18 to 24 ounces of formula when I am gone-thats 300 or 400 calories-no wonder I am not losing weight. I ought to use the pump more. Force it or something. It is just...so....tedious....

Liam, by the way, weighed 18'10" at his four month check-up. Fat baby:o).

Party in my Pants

I have seen ads for cloth menstrual pads for years now, but none really caught my eye until I saw the Party in My Pants pads. I have always used tampons, supplemented with the occasional use of a rubber "keeper". I have found the keeper leaks, however, and so I continued to use tampons (and pads when I have a cold, for stress incontinence (coughing)).
But I have always wanted to use something that wasn't disposable, because that is the kind of woman I am. If there is an added step that I can feel holier than thou about, then by golly, I want it!
Anyway, I finally broke down and ordered three flannel super sized PIMP pads. I also ordered three pair of nursing pads. I have been using disposable nursing pads at work, but these look so much cozier than the plastic and paper ones.
I can't wait.

I haven't actually had my period since the baby was born (he's almost four months). With my others, I didn't get it until around 9 months, but since he is bottlefed during the day, I expect to get it sooner.
I guess I am happier to have an option, and a website, that celebrates being female. Why is menstrual blood so gross? It's just blood that travels through the vagina. Men spend enormous amounts of energy trying to get into our vaginas. Why are we so ashamed? I say celebrate being a woman, celebrate the cycles. We are women. Roar. :o)

One week later

I have been working for one week now. Before I came back to work, the whole idea of working was scary and almost unreal. Now, I feel...well, it's hard to explain. Okay, I guess. And that is where the guilt comes in.
If I could maintain a decent lifestyle and be home, I would. No questions. But, since I AM the breadwinner in the family, that isn't happening (come on Powerball!). When I go to work, I don't think much about the baby. Why not? Because I am getting paid to do a job, and it's a hard, time-consuming job.
I worry that baby misses me. I worry that Karl can't give baby enough attention. But, not until I am in the car driving home. And then I walk in the door, grab my baby, head for bed and nurse him. As I pull the comforter around us, we are cocooned in our own private world, Liam and I, and things are right again. Friday night was the most wonderful feeling in the world, because I knew the weekend stretched before us. I woke up leisurely Saturday morning, nursed Liam, and we started playing our little games, and singing our little songs (okay, I did. He smiled).
I now understand the idea of quality time. I just wish to GOSH! that I didn't have to go to college this semester. We are counting on a little student loan money, but I wonder if we could make it without it? Because I don't want to put those hours in-not just yet.
Maybe I will just force myself to work an hour a night, after Liam falls asleep. I want to get through this degree and be done.